Diary : 20 Nov 2011

There is really nothing glamourous about serving God in a mission field such as this.

Stories of brave missionaries blazing new frontiers and stories of great success, provision and blessings are just one side of the stories. But its the side that the world wants to hear.

The truth being is that we struggle every single day. While its beautiful to think that this path is paved with provision and breakthroughs, most often, its laced with pain, blood and sacrifice.

When i started this work back in 2007, i'm emptied my savings to come here, giving up a bright careers and taking a simple leap of faith. This leap was tremendously difficult, knowing that I'll be at the mercy of sneers from relatives, close friends who asked me to pause for a reality check. So many voices just tell you to not embark on this painful and potentially career ending journey.

I knew this journey was rough and I did everything I could to survive as long as I could in this very harsh place. Clean water was hard to come by, winter nights were cold and we hardly had a blanket thick enough to brace us through the cold. Waters in the bath came from cold river sources and I'll be shivering as a result I often caught the chills, and it was not a pleasant experience.

I saw how the locals tried their very best to boil water for me to bathe when they saw me turning white coming out of the shower. I guess they wondered, what caused this urban man to come to live amongst us. They probably laughed and at the same time pitied us. They extended their best courtesies and offered to cook meals for us, but the food was really different, sometimes its just a green mash, sometimes it looks reddish, not the kind of food we're used to in comfy singapore. It  was a struggle.


Especially in these very painful moments, i'll remember the reason why I'm here. The faces of villagers, the people who can't even afford the soap to bathe. And that thought kept me on for months. Over the first 3 months, i lost some 20kg, we had to keep expenses to a minimum so we could serve the people longer.

We really had to save, a simple bottle of coke was a luxury we couldn't always afford.

Sometimes, it can be really depressing working in these environments. Many nights I'll wonder and get slightly depressed, entertaining thoughts of quiting and going back to a more comfortable life. And these happen during the good times.

In bad times, when the ministry doesn't go all that well, funds come in in drips and drabs, I sometimes wonder if that is God's divine hint for me to go back.




Its always beautiful to work with grateful beneficiaries, but sometimes we get misunderstood, back-stabbed, pushed away and some complain. Yes it happens here as well, not just in Singapore.

Many times, my staff who are Hmong ask me, why do you care ? Hmongs are not easy people to care, much less to love. Sometimes they are terribly unlovable and ungrateful. Not the kind of people whom the world wants to help.

Yes it has some truth. But if we look at it from our perspective. Yes. they are unlovable. But when you look though God's eyes. Aren't we all the same ? Sometimes we are just as ungrateful and unlovable. But God still loved us nevertheless. Thats why I decide to stay and to let my life be a imperfect reflection of a loving God.


We get depressed too and I think of quitting more often than you know. And sometimes just pressing on and loving people is painful, and staying here is a sacrifice in itself.

I often wonder, what if I have chosen a corporate path ?
I would have my sports car, I would be fairly well off and enjoying a cushy life.
instead of sitting on a mountain typing on a $20 table and a donated chair !

Sometimes I complain too, but I realised that when i complain, I start viewing things from my perspective. The perspective of the almighty man. But when I see it though the Lord's eyes, I learn to love despite the hurts, learning to live simply, learning to put God first and the desires of the little me, second.

Most importantly, I yet again my almighty God saving a wretched me.

What a worthwhile exchange i may say. This journey of exchanging the desires of the world for the knowledge of an almighty God.