Looking Back To Find Confidence For Tomorrow

People often say that it is a bad habit to look back at your history. But for me, i find strength in looking back at what God has done in our ministry. Knowing that He has watched over this ministry and guided us, gives me confidence to face the uncertainties of tomorrow.

This journey is truly amazing, how God brought people alongside us to reach more lives for His Glory. Allow me to honor about 2 women in our ministry today !

The first would be Kanokrat Puu. We met in the worst of circumstances. Our ministry was at the verge of closing down, the staff were backstabbing each other, the people who needed help was not reached and making all these things worse, we had only funds left to last us 1 or 2 months at the max. God brought us an accountant in a time that we COULD NOT afford an accountant ! This crazy women stayed on with us, and can be credited for resuscitating the ministry, despite receiving less than 50% of her last drawn salary !

The next would be Shirleen Ng. An diving kaki turned supporter of RADION. While most of you would have heard her name, much of her background work is not seen by most. She labored alongside us even when she was in poor health, setting up booths, lugging heavy stores, working into the wee hours of the night to get our supporters connected to us. And though she is working on a full time capacity, she has refused to take a single cent knowing our financial limitation. It was through this lady's hard work, that freed me to focus on the ministry's needs.

And i'm grateful to God for these 2 amazing women !

Our boys return for a visit

Tommy and James came back to visit us today. Their weathered faces tell of the hardships they have gone through, but they tried to cover it with a punk like hairstyle and reclining on their old rusted bikes.

Mustering all the courage they had, they asked "Do you know where is Tim
(another streetkid). For those who are not familiar with tribal street children, this is not really a question, but a way to initiate a conversation. Both knew that Tim is in Chiang mai but that was the best way they knew how to "justify" their visit while masking their shyness.

It was amusing. Seeing that the boys are still the same. But it was really great seeing them again.

Both James and tommy were amongst the first batch of streetkids ever to walk into the programme. Both street children from broken familes and got really messed up in glue sniffing.

 A picture taken many years ago. With James in kaki & Tommy in black.

We took both these boys in when they were around 12 and gave them a home and the encouragement necessary to get them back into school. They stayed on the programme for 2 years and successfully got cleaned from drugs. But later they felt that they wanted to experience the world firsthand and thus left the programme prematurely, much to the heartbreak of the staff and care givers.

Since then they have never returned. Until today!

It has been 2 years since they left, but their names and faces are still etched deeply in our hearts. Seeing them today was very heartwarming, knowing they have taken on decent jobs and left the streets.

In the course of our conversation, James looked down and whispered, "I'm just a petrol pump attendant"

I smiled, looked him in the eye and told him I was proud of him, that he chose to make a honest living. Though it is not a high paying job, but that was the best he could do with a primary 6 certificate.

His next lines warmed my heart. James silently said "I wish I hadn't left the programme". In his eyes the look of regret. Knowing James, that was his way of saying "Sorry, I've let you down"

I smiled as I told him that there is nothing to regret, but rather how we choose to lead our lives from here on. His eyes beamed and there it was again, the sheepish grin from the boys.

Just seeing the boys coming back was really encouraging, knowing that our hardwork, prayers and tears haven't been wasted after all!

Successful Collaboration. Now time to catch some rest !

We have just successfully completed another collaboration with NUS Medical Society to bring medical care to the poorest hill tribe people in Thailand.

The next few months is going to be packed with activities and I'm taking a couple of days retreat and keep my walk with the Lord.

See you guys shortly !

p/s : for those who do not know, its official ! We've got the land to build the integrated centre !

Not an easy month!

Apologies for the long lapse in writing.

The last few weeks has been really hectic rushing from province to province.

4-8 may, radion had our first staff retreat after 5 years. All we wanted to do was to give the staff a break from ministry and reward them for their service. It was beautiful to see the team bond closer together.

The relaxing holiday was short lived for our humanitarian team as we had to immediately rush food supplies to refugees in hiding and assisting with their appeals to unhcr.

That left us with less than 1 week to prepare for the medical ocip team from nus.

Now I'm writing from my mobile phone while leading the team. Here are some photos of what we have been doing between the home visitations, education work and all!

Its Never Easy To Loose A Kid

Its never easy to loose a kid.

Over the process of time, kids who join the STK programme become a part of the family. Just this week we had to let go 2 kids.

The first was Meang. Meang comes from one of the saddest backgrounds, loosing both parents to HIV and while he is HIV negative, the stigma stays with him. Since young his family has been battling stigmas and due to neglect almost all the siblings are into drugs and substance abuse. It was only of late where we heard that Meang's teenage brother was in prison for manslaughter after he went into a rampage when he was high on glue.

These are the kind of stories that keep compelling us to keep Meang. Its about giving him a second chance. But we have tried. Amongst all the kids, he is probably the most rebellious and despite the chances we gave him to stay on the programme, he still steals from other kids, broke into our office to steal money, takes kids out to indulge in internet gaming. After more than 6 months, we had no choice but to let this child go, otherwise it may take a toll on the rest of the kids who are on rehab and set a very poor example.

My staff tells me that the day when he was "returned" to his brother. The brother and the wife fought outside the office, quarreling with no one wanting to take responsibility of the child. This breaks our heart and as much as we want to help, we can only help refer him to another children's home.

 The next kid we lost was Nook Nik. A brilliant 5 year old and while we knew that the mother is unstable, we took the risk of taking her in because the mother was so erratic that she wanted to sell her new born child. And the thought of selling Nook Nik off was something we couldn't bear.

We quickly got her in despite her being one year below our acceptance age and hopefully her mom will leave her alone. But our worst nightmare came, when the mother suddenly started throwing accusations that her child was in "evil hands" and wanted her child back at all cost.

As she spoke to her child she said "Don't stay here anymore, they are bad people"
The beautiful and grateful child just replied "Mom, why do you say that ?"

A perfect rebuttal for the mom.

And as we helplessly see her go, our hearts broke knowing that her future is going to be really uncertain. Reminds me of the day when we picked her up, her mom sheltered herself under a umbrella and let the child trail behind totally drenched without even being bothered.

Yesterday, an older kid asked us, why did Nook Nik go ? I just told them the story about how the mother said we were evil people and the child gave this incredulous look. I guess we have really tried our best but these are the things that happen on the mission field and working with broken families.

Its not easy but along with the great joys of seeing lives of children change, heartaches are plentiful.

Child's future threatened by unstable mother.

Feels like another roller coaster ride. The fund raising dinner was a rousing success and through it we raised a total of 32,000!

Just today when I felt I can finally get some rest after the hectic event preparations and meetings, a call from Thailand rings.

Calls on weekends are usually bad news. And indeed it was. Nook nik's mother who suffers from mental illness and behavioural problems is pressing the staff to have custody of her child.

As much as we would hope to allow her to care for the child, she is definitely not in the right state to care for the child, especially when she just contemplated selling off nook nik's younger sibling for cash. We had just successfully convinced her to do otherwise few months back and now she wants nook nik back.

We're just concerned that if we allow nook nik to go with her, the child may end up being sold on the black market.

Last month nook nik's mother asked us for a job and we told her she can always join us on the condition that she does not "run" away from work. Which she has a habbit of doing. Whenever she makes a mistake, instead of facing up, she runs off. Literally! And without notice. So you can imagine how difficult it was to care
her.

Last year, she sought our assistance after being involved with 2 men concurrently and became pregnant by one. But marrried the other chap! We were terribly worried about her mental state but we can't advise very much when the guy decides to take responsiblity for the affair. Yes this was a married man.

The guy took her in as the mistress and second wife and in less than a month. This girl ran home. Disappeared.

With all these "running" and severe neglect for the child, we're really not sure should we return the custody, especially after she has signed a child protection policy to ensure that the child stays on the programme undisrupted for one year.

Should she be in better health or financial state, she can have the custody of the child should the tribal leaders decide so. But now, she just wants to yank the kid out today. Yes today. So keep my staff in prayers that they will be able to calm her down and help nook nik continue her studies.

Working with kids is hard enough. Working with parents can sometime be even more painful.

Hectic hectic April

This month we bid farewell to 3 staff and while manpower is lacking, outreach still has to go on. So you can imagine the stress, especially having to search for a land in khek noi to build the integrated centre.

How this month looked like.
- refugee outreach at start of month at a province 400km away
- immd after rush back to kheknoi to help out with the mass food distribution.
- all while trying to find a land and hiking though potential plots.
- no land was found in the center of the village so we got one small piece just in case there is no land in the village.
- thunderstorm hit radion's office, flooding it with not only water but animals such as frogs, rats ans snakes as they scrambled for shelter.
- mass food distribution day rained heavily and food was all prepared. Just when we thought that no one was coming, more people poured in. 5 received Christ in that rainy event.
- storm tore off the roof of our garage.
- had to bring 18 roaring kids to Chiang mai for songkran.
- volunteer team arrived. 5 activity packed days bringing the kids out.
- still bargaining for land back in the village.
- received more calls for assistance in the refugee communiy.
- tomorrow I fly back to Singapore for more meetings.

I'm grateful for great staff, awesome volunteers and its just awesome to know the sweat and blood (literally) goes into creating a better tomorrow for the disadvantaged.

Standby Land Secured

Finally some good news after a whole week of ups and downs.

For those who have just joined us, our ministry is planning to build an integrated centre for the needy in Thailand. And the ideal plan was to have the centre to not only be a home for street children, but also a training centre, a safe shelter for victims, a church and a community centre for everyone- A place where the broken can come to seek help.

That's our dream. But finding that land is a nightmare. We have searched for a land for the last 6 months, combing though almost every corner of the village. But there was none suitable. The available land is either too small or too expensive. When we said its expensive its SHOCKINGLY expensive. There are pieces of land which are even more expensive then downtown bangkok !

Rich merchants are pushing up land prices to unsustainable levels and the poor people are selling their lands. In the process, the rich-poor divide becomes wider.

For us, we're very concerned that if we delay further, we may not even have a piece of land left. And thats what we have been doing for the last 6 months, searching for a piece of land to build this centre. And it has been a discouraging 6 months.

Finally last week, we had a breakthrough. A parcel of land was floated in the market. The land was sizable, there was water & electricity cables nearby, small road access and the price was right!

The only drawback, it was not as central as we hoped our land would be. So after much discussion, we decided to take up this offer while we continue to search for a better piece of land that is more centralised.

In the event that no better land comes up, at least we have something to fall back on.

As much as I can, I would love the integrated centre to be in a more centralised location where the bulk of the 14,000 people are located, instead of staying in a suburb community of 2,000.

But whatever it is, we're leaving the opening of doors to God.

Here is a picture of the standby land.

Giving Them A Tomorrow To Look Forward To

Last week, we received a report of a group of asylum seekers living in Thailand. The group fled their homes after being persecuted for their faith. Many had the lands forcefully taken, the homes torn down and identity cards withdrawn.

These were a group of Christians, and such was their faith. They refused to back down at threats, refused to denounce their faith. They knew what was ahead, and true enough their leaders were arrested and they were on the run with the military on their trail.

Sobbing and without anything to turn to, they arrived at SITE B hopeful that an international NGO will be able to assist, however they were shockingly turned away.

Now the group is living in hiding, starving and fearful of their lives. Should the police turn up at their doors, they will be deported back to their country where an unknown fate awaits. Going back was not an option for them.

As I sat there in a cramped room listening to their stories, my faith was challenged. Their pale faces were the consequences of surviving on 1-2 meals a day, on a diet of plain rice and salt. Both children and adults have been surviving on just that for the last few months. It was a grieving sight.

There were just so many little ones. And my heart just broke.

Not only was the place overcrowded but also filled with sick people. Each family of 6-8 occupied a small area of 3X3, sleeping on the floors with very little ventilation. Their only comfort a small fan that helps to alleviate the effects of the scorching heat.

While it was tormenting to stay indoors, but they were just too afraid of going out, fearful that they will be found out and the police will come to deport their families.

The children stayed indoors, perspiring without access to any form of education waiting idly as each day passed. Staying in a poorly ventilated area with sick people was a bad idea. During our medical mission, a huge percentage turned up. Sick and some very sick. A whole family cluster had a bad case of bacterial infection of the skin with 4 children had rashes all over their heads, some filled with pus, reddish, inflamed and terribly itchy. One died.

The medical situation was so intense that that most of the critical medications in our house call kit was used up. We had to turn away the rest who came later and had to get the people to share medications while we thought of how to get medical assistance to them.

Officially, our reccee trip has ended. We've got all the details we need and we're scheuled to head back tomorrow morning. Enjoying a slow drive back. But I just can't do it, after seeing the needs. It is definitely more convenient just to pack and leave. But I just couldn't.

I contemplated the whole afternoon and this evening I looked at my deputy we both knew we could do more. We can't live with ourselves just to sit idly by. We looked at our reserves and decided that we could afford to buy 250kg of rice for this community and that was what we're going to do. More than that we're going in for a 3rd round of medical clinics.

At the back of my mind, i know that such an operation is risky and helping these people may get us into trouble with some authorities. But without this critical food aid, they will continue to starve. Without medical aid, the little ones may not make it past the next month.

Before I left for this trip, I told Alvin, RADION was birthed doing crazy things for the right causes; for causes that is critical but under reached. As we get bigger, we should never allow our policies to override our passion to serve. So we're going to do what we need to do. He smiled.

So here I am. Tomorrow I'm going out again and please keep us in prayers.

p/s : My car's tires are rubbing against the wheel arch from all the weight of the relief. We need a sturdier car !

The touch that matters

Today as I went around to visit some of our beneficiaries and friends. It reminded me the importance of a personal touch.

The first family we visited was a single elderly lady, the mother of one of our streetkids. She had been just released from prison and rehab for being caught using opium. Yes she had been addicted for ages and this prison term was a blessing. After being released, she was in poor health and that was why we visited her. As we shared, she just broke into tears.

The second lady is the grandmother of David, a streetkids from our very first intake. She just wanted us to be there to pray for her and hold her hands. The old lady was so sweet and told us for the longest time she had wanted to sew a hmong suit for me as a gesture of gratitude. She asked us to pray for good health so she can get the suit up for me before the new year. What a sweet lady.

Here are some pictures.




But that's the end of the good part. The rest of today was spent hunting for plots of land to build the integrated centre. It is not easy and all the good land has been taken up. After almost 6 months of searching, we still have nothing. Adding onto that the fund raising dinner response is still slow and we are running behind schedule. Overall I'm feeling physically exhausted and somewhat discouraged.

Good and bad days

Working with street children has its stresses. Today 2 kids climbed up on the dining halls roof and damaged the roof.

How difficult is it to manage these kids?

The ones who come from the streets are highly independant but yet have little regard for rules.

The ones who come from broken & dysfunctional families have some regard for rules but tends to turn depressed and victimise others.

The ones from abused families are usually the hardest to manage as on the surface they look alright, but can suddenly erupt with irrational behaviors.

Everyday is like clearing a minefield.

Some days are bad, others are better. And with each good day, we can only give thanks.

You Know Better Than I

Reminded again that faith is not about being able to see and understand things in God's perspective.
But faith is an absolute belief of the supremacy of a loving God such that we entrust everything to God despite the difficult times, for He knows better than I.

I thought I did what’s right
I thought I had the answers
I thought I chose the surest road
But that road brought me here

So I put up a fight
And told you how to help me
Now just when I have given up
The truth is coming clear

You know better than I
You know the way
I’ve let go the need to know why
For you know better than I

If this has been a test
I cannot see the reason
But maybe knowing I don’t know
Is part of getting through

I try to do what’s best
And faith has made it easy
To see the best thing I can do
Is put my trust in you

For You know better than I
You know the way
I’ve let go the need to know why
For you know better than I

I saw one cloud and thought it was a sky
I saw a bird and thought that I could follow
But it was you who taught that bird to fly
If I let you reach me will you teach me

For You know better than I
You know the way
I’ve let go the need to know why
I’ll take what answers you supply
You know better than I 

Keep me on track.

Today is probably another turning point in the ministry.

Yes. Another turning point. As ministers, we are just so prone of straying. We're so prone to using just our intellect and logic to solve problems. And more often then not, we omit god from the picture.

I dream of building a lasting legacy of people who are passionate for God and people. I dream of having a passionate staff of friends who will not back down, people who will stand for their faith despite going through hardships.

I dream of a family of passionate people serving God. But instead I built an organisation. An organisation that more often then not relied on ourselves.

Till I read this book. It corrected me, lead me out of a downward spiral and made me believe that's its possible to leave a lasting legacy.

You see, after some time on the mission field, seeing repeated problems, heartaches, you slowly allow thoughts to creep in. Thoughts like "is this really god's plan" and doubts slowly but surely creep in together with discouragement and fatigue.

But this little book helped me to re dream and believe in what I'm doing altogether. It's probably the most critical spiritual intervention of this year and I'm grateful a pastor friend sent it in. Here's a snapshot.

For those who are heading ministries and are feeling the drain. I encourage you to get this book. It's the best 30min investment you can make.



Even today as I shared from Luke 17. I felt a new lease of life and new found purpose.

May I continue to let go and let God. May I rebuild overwhelming passion for God and faith to leap across the impossible!

Yes its black today.

Back safely in the village. Fortunately there is water at the taps, but unfortunately, its blackish in colour.

Yup, one of the secrets to my youthful looking skin!

A Day With The Kids

There are just a lot of things on my plate right now, the fund raising dinner in Apr, finding land in Phetchabun, recruiting new staff, clearing audit in both Singapore and Thailand, organizing 4 groups of volunteers all doing my PhD coupled with a seemingly endless list of items to do administratively.

But today I decided to set aside time to spend time with my kids. I guess its always something i wanted to do, but the workload is just so heavy and finding a balance is not so clear cut. Spend more time with my children, the fund raising will be affected, and spending too much time administratively won't avail me enough time to spend with these precious ones.

 Freezing behind the truck as we head into Moncham

Kuak after vomiting. After getting off this kart, he was running up hill ! Talk about short recoveries !

Taking time aside today was not easy. Not especially when it involves waking up at 3+am just to bring a group of kids to see the sunrise. The drive was up mountains, slightly rough, weather was cold. About 3km from the top, the people on the ground told us that the roads are even rougher and will not recommend us to go up.

 We're too early. The kind lady tells us the roads up the mountains is about 3km !

After contemplating the risk and walking 3km up mountain. We decided to drive a small stretch at a time to see how far we can get before we needed to park the truck. Surprisingly we went up all the way till the 800m mark from the top before being stopped by a fallen tree log.

 

 I was half dead walking up. So no picture till here. Where its almost at the top

 Final stairway to the top !

The kids jumped off the truck and suggested a run to the top. I agreed..... it was a mistake. They are 13 and I'm 31. thats the difference. When i was up, I was half dead but the view was magnificent ! 5 mins past sunrise, but its better to catch some sunrise than non at all.

 5 mins after sunrise !

A pose on the top !

 

 Visiting a vegetable garden !

It was beautiful and we only decided to come down when it got too cold up on the top and went to visit a small vegetable farm project. There we had our picnic breakfast. After breakfast, we headed down to warmer grounds where we brought the kiddos to the strawberry farm. They picked nice strawberries, while I was just there picking all the wrong ones.... either too small or the ones already starting to rot.

 Strawberries. 1kg for 100bht !

 Sweet strawberries for once ! They call it the No.80 strain !

Its funny, but somehow it reminds me of the work we do....we seem to have a knack for picking up lives which the world rejects or the ones starting on a downward spiral.

 Kuak got all the right ones, i got all the wrong ones..

But seeing the kids enjoying the picking was great fun. Though at this point my legs were aching.

Next stop was the Darapirom Museum, where the kids got to see how European architecture influenced modern day thai architectures. For the first time, I see my kids interested in history and culture, instead of the last round where they "walked" another museum in under 10mins !

Thai Museum

And how can we close the excursion without swimming ! Yes. Swimming again. They just love to soak and play... but that is just how it is like being a kid. And I was glad i made time, despite being really tired at the end of the trip, but seeing their smiles. It was worth it.

Its Painful To Heed

 Its not easy to translate these raw feelings into words, and even harder to fully articulate in writing. With each word usually brings along with it the nostalgia, the pains, the joys of being in ministry.

So often, I'm conscious that I should write nicer things, things to encourage and processing "raw" sentiments before I put them into writing. But its that very reason why people will rarely get a glimpse of our heartaches.

So let me try yet again.

It's really painful. Painful to be called by God to serve, but yet left feeling left high and dry with no one to support you.

It was the risk I took, I was firstly relatively new in church and while I attempted to integrate by signing up for church cell groups, no one called me up. I signed the form not once but 3 times over 2 years. *grinz*

And as I waited, I would sit quietly at each service, feeling connected to the church yet disconnected from the body of Christ.

Somehow as i look back, it was a divine plan.

Would I have been in cell, I would likely be more involved in ministry and should the call of the Lord come under such circumstances, I would have done what most Christians would do- simply seek your leader's advice. And being a big church coupled with a call to missions at a time when the church was pulling back on missions. I would probably not have been able to just pack my bags in obedience and left.

For months as I sat in each service, I wondered if I should leave the church altogether, I had little to no friends in the church and would have my coffee before service by myself and after the service ends, I would head home alone. Not the kind of church life I was yearning for. It sure felt a little raw, and lonely at times.

But it was also at this very church where I sat there listening to this female pastor preaching through Haggai that i first heard my call. It was because of this disconnection that I was able to leave without hindrance. It was because of the loneliness that I knew "home" was probably somewhere else.

That fateful morning when the Lord called. The only 2 things I had to give up was my attractive career offer and my family in Singapore. To give up, it was painful.